From the (Semi) Complete Works of William Soames Walthrop...Book IV...



Summary: Poems, Essays from the works of William Soames Walthrop, aka Spike...in the Buffy Rebecca and other corners of the multi- verse...

Additional contributions to the recovery of the lost works of England's third worst poet are always welcome...





More from The American years...1968 +...



The Hallmark period...



{Editor's note: During his years in America from 1968-1997 Mr. Walthrop often found part-time employment as a card writer for Hallmark's Cards...]



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M y tire was thumping.

I thought it was flat



I looked at the tire...



And noticed your cat...



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Oh dear Watchers, I send you...



This fine picture of me...



Notice the coat...?



It was your Nikki's...



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Heard your wife left you,

How upset you must be.



Don't fret about it...



She's moved in with me.



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Looking back over the years



that we've been together,



I can't help but wonder...



"What the hell was I thinking?"



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Congratulations on your wedding day!



For us lucky enough to have escaped you I mean...



Too bad no one likes your husband.



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How could two people as beautiful as you



Have such an ugly baby?



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Get well?



Why? You're gonna die anyway...



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I 've always wanted to have

someone to hold,



someone to love.



After having known you ..



I've changed my mind.



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Darling, I must admit, you brought Religion into my life.



I never believed in Hell until I met you.



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As the days go by, I think of how lucky I am...



That you're not here to ruin it for me.



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Congratulations on your promotion.

Before you go...



Would you like to take this knife out of my back?



You'll probably need it again.



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Congrats on the new romance...



I mean me...



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One day closer to Death...



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Happy Birthday, Uncle Dad!



(Available only in Tennessee, Kentucky & West Virginia)





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Happy birthday! You look great for your age.



Almost Lifelike!



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When we were together,

you always said you'd die for me.



Now that we've broken up,

I think it's time you kept your promise.



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W e have been friends for such a very long time ..



let's say we stop?





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I 'm so miserable without you



it's almost like you're here.



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Congratulations on your new bundle of joy.



Did you ever find out who the father was?



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Your friends and I wanted to do



something special for your birthday.



So we're having you put to sleep.



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Congrats on the new boyfriend..



Thank God he's blind...



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So your daughter's a hooker,

and it spoiled your day.



Look at the bright side,



it's really good pay



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Congratulations! It's a gay boy!



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We all hate you...



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On this special day, listen to your inner voice...



And shove that knife into your wife's throat.



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Happy Birthday, Grandpa!



Just counting the days now...



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Mary had a little lamb...



Its fleece stained red by the blood as it mournfully bleated for its gruesomely slaughtered owner, trying to move on the two legs I hadn't broken...



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Eat, drink, and be merry...



For tomorrow night, I'm paying you a visit...

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